Episode Seven: Everything's Just Hunky Deoraí

This week's blow-by-blow account has arrived, laid out before you with all the trimmings, condiments, side dishes, sauces, spices, obscure utensils- and an over-abundance of wine glasses- the famished Survivor fan needs to dissect and devour this most recent episode. Elbows off the table, please, and remember to use your napkin; we do have some standards around here. And don't forget to chew each morsel properly before you swallow; there's only so much Alka-Seltzer to go round.

Now try the grey stuff, it's delicious!

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As usual, our first port of call this week was Camp Ravu; it was also Lisi's, fresh off the boat from Exile Island. She seemed to receive a warm welcome from the boys, despite the bad blood still coursing through the arteries of her relationship with Dreamz. Next we popped along to Moto, where Yau Man and Earl reenacted their Idol-finding ruse from two weeks ago. This time though it bore fruit, due in no small part to Yau Man's digging and acting skills. Then it was to the fire-flinging Reward Challenge where, as predicted, Ravu came out on top. Earl was dispatched to Exile Island, and the victors went to gorge themselves at a remote(?) Fijian Arcade, complete with a bowling alley, a simulated driving range, a pool table and a commode.

Back at Moto, Boo realised that his tribe need to 'step up their game' or they would soon lose another member, and Yau Man continued to shine by fabricating a fake Immunity Idol and burying it under his tribe's collective nose. At the Immunity Challenge, the blindfolded tribes raced to gather and assemble puzzle tiles, and a cheerily stick-slapped Moto bounded to victory, sending Ravu to yet another Tribal Council. Alex and Edgardo realised that, as the merge approaches, they'll need strength more than loyalty, and so they brought Lisi into the loop. She was quick to divulge her hazy memories of the clues to the hidden Immunity Idol, and at Tribal Council the consistently obnoxious Rocky was sent packing. It seems we may be about to witness a late comeback from a more cohesive Ravu, and Rocky, as the first member of the Jury, will have a ringside seat. Ding ding

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There's Something About Lisi: From day one, or at least episode one, this gal seemed one tremulous step away from some curiously long-sleeved threads and/or a padded cell. Last week's bouts of non compos mentis only strengthened these impressions; had she continued to defragment this week, it would've been safe to assume that Lisi's head would be on the chopping block come Tribal Council.

But a much more lucid Lisi returned from Exile, and quickly found a place for herself in her new tribe. Maybe it's down to the dynamic of her new tribe- "...being around a bunch of guys is my favourite place to be, straight up"- or the caricaturising nature of the limited time we spent with the old Moto crew, but this new and improved Lisi seems to be on the right side of strange (i.e. enough to be entertaining, but not enough to make you sleep with a machete gripped firmly in your sweaty palms), and she adds an interesting flavour to the testosterone-fuelled machinations at Ravu. She didn't leave her irritating laugh on Exile, unfortunately, but if that's the price to pay for less bad-crazies, we'll just have to pony up.

Ironically, Anthony (a guy) was voted out for being too effeminate, while Lisi (a girl) won over Ravu for being the exact opposite. As the old adage goes: it ain't what you screw, it's the way that you screw it.

The Time Is Yau: Speaking of rain on your wedding day, we watched Yau Man go from strength to strength, while Boo rested on his ample laurels and resigned himself to deposing Yau at some imaginary future Tribal Council. Poor Boo still hasn't realised that Moto's tables have been thoroughly turned by the arrival of Earl & Co. at camp.

The flawless execution of the two-point plan to retrieve the hidden Immunity Idol would have been subterfuge enough for one day, but Yau then took it a whole order of magnitude beyond by creating a fake idol and burying it back in the official idol's hole, literally behind the rest of the tribe's back. The sheer craftiness of this move is almost unprecedented in Survivor lore, though painting the initials I.I. on it may have been a step too obvious. We'll just have to wait and see if anybody takes the bait, though the rather complacent old Moto will need a sharp prod- perhaps in the form of a monumental defeat in one of next week's challenges- and of course some time on Exile Island before they'll have any impetus to start looking.

Let's marvel at Yau a bit more. The diminutive dynamo never seems to take a break: chopping coconuts; making tea; finding idols; manufacturing evil frauds; and usually out-performing his seemingly more athletic colleagues at the challenges. It may have been down to clever editing, but a lampooning Mookie was made to look the fool when Yau Man effortlessly supplied Moto's first, and only, point. Granted, Ravu proceeded to destroy their opponents in the ensuing rounds, but it was a prime example of the lack of regard people have for Yau Man's abilities. "The old guy's good for something" seems to be the understatement of the week. We could have done without the extended make-out session with the Immunity Idol though. Poor little turtle.

How It's, Er, Done: Finally a win for Ravu, and a well-deserved and appropriate reward for the guys (and Lisi). Excellent performances from Mookie and Dreamz sealed the deal, while Rocky was abysmal, and tried to cover up the fact by screaming and hopping about, as if the gods themselves had conspired to make him fail. Dreamz has proved again and again that he excels at physical challenges, and Mookie's no slouch either; should they make the merge, these guys will give each other a good run for the money; and with Alex, Edgardo, Earl and Boo in the mix, things are gonna get physical, physical.

Bosses And T-shirts: Further sport was pursued at Kava Bowl (clever little pun, incidentally), Fiji's premier indoor-sports destination. How such a seemingly remote facility remains solvent is a topic outside the remit of this blog, and its presence in the show does little to bolster the notion that these people are actually isolated. These peculiarities didn't bother our emaciated Survivors though, as they heartily tucked in to a feast of hot dogs, brownies and beer, and just as heartily ducked out to the loo to admire it all a second time. Lisi made friends while Rocky alienated himself further with his unnecessary ribbing; the fact that he still hasn't been told flat out to S the F U is a puzzler, but I guess a 4-2 vote against you at Tribal is a subtle variation of same.

Edgardo was the second (third?) person to blame Rocky and his 'bad vibe' for Ravu's poor performance, and this was only after a handful of days in his company. That's pretty damning circumstantial evidence. The only person who seemed sorry to see the Rockster go was Dreamz, which was odd, given their history. Dreamz said he 'understands' Rocky; that although he throws a lot of 'false attitude', it's 'not real attutude- it's just his personality'. Who knew Dreamz was capable of such insight into another human being's psyche? Pukey Mookie refrained from writing Rocky's name down at Tribal; a smart move, given that it wasn't a swing vote, and the possibility that Rocky would be on the Jury. I certainly don't think Mookie's actions were motivated by anything as abstract as loyalty, anyway.

The following quote from Edgardo is an apt summation of the Rocky situation: "(He) criticizes everbody, is too harsh on people. People don't respect that. People don't want a guy to be criticizing you all the time, that's why they have, like, bosses and t-shirts back at home." (OK, he probably said 'bosses and teachers', but it sounded like 't-shirts'; gimme a break).

No W in Team: This week's Immunity Challenge really highlighted a fundamental difference between tribes Moto and Ravu; something that might explain their different rates of success, assuming you don't subscribe to the Rocky Curse Hypothesis. At Moto, we had Michelle atop the calling podium, bouncing around like a cheerleader, singing, dancing and eventually bouncing right off the damn thing and on to the ground (second in hilarity only to Boo's plunge from the hammock in episode two). Alex, for Ravu, yelled and pointed (to people wearing blindfolds; go figure) like a drill sergeant- 'FORWARD HALF A STEP! SMASH!'- but without notable results. The point being, Moto seemed to enjoy themselves, and walked away victorious, while Ravu, though earnest and fierce, were too tightly wound to perform at full capacity.

Obviously, the relative opulence of Camp Moto is no handicap, and with a flawless Immunity Challenge record it's easier for Moto to be confident and sanguine going into these things. Ravu have never won an Immunity Challenge, a fact that must be dispiriting to say the least; a psychological vicious circle, if you will. It's yet another artefact of the rich/poor dynamic, I suppose, though with three out of each tribe's six members only very recently relocated, would the affects have had time to kick in? Maybe I'm woolgathering; maybe Rocky was the problem all along...

Speaking of problems, note how Michelle just sort of ambled up to the puzzle table and nonchalantly solved Moto's. It was another reminder of just how well Moto operate as a team; Stacy stepping back when she felt unsure, and calling on Michelle to have a go. We have yet to see that level of selfless cooperation at Ravu.

The Blond Leading The Blind: A special mention for Boo's performance at this Challenge. The poor guy's uncoordinated enough as it is, but slap a blindfold on him and he's about as dexterous as a paraplegic starfish. Leaping about like a springbok, trying to smash the skull; his backwards-walking, fence-tapping technique to return to base; his unfortunate muddling of left and right: it was all comedy gold. The best part, though, was when he stepped up to the podium to take charge of directing Yau to the last bundle of tiles- and was struck blind. He stood there for a moment blinking like an owl, rubbing his eyes, and hollering "I'm blind right now! Hold on!' Classic Boo.

Giving Oileán Away: Alex was astute enough to bring Lisi in to his confidence, and then calmly brought up the topic of the hidden Immunity Idol, as if Lisi hadn't just arrived from the Island on which the clues are kept. Unfortunately for him, Lisi was still in breakdown mode when she read the clues, so her recollection of them was nebulous at best (and we're talking some fairly candid clues this season, to say the least). Lisi was 'lead to believe' the idol 'might be right here' (emphasis mine) on Ravu's island. Or perhaps she was being purposely vague, in an attempt to mislead Alex and give herself a little time to find it. Either way, a bit more discretion on Lisi's part wouldn't have gone awry: it appears that next week Lisi is betrayed, and Mookie is brought in on the secret.

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Quote of the Week: We couldn't end this week's powwow without a little something from the recently dethroned Rocky. It also contains a peculiar endearment from Edgardo:

Location: Exterior, Camp Ravu. Our protagonists engage in conversation as they sit side by side on a log.
Edgardo: So what do you think...bitch?
Rocky: I think you shoud [expletive removed] push over, unless you wanna [expletive removed] make out with me, bro!

Such a refined young man.

Predictions for Next Week: Ravu finally win at the Immunity Challenge; Alex receives some upsetting news from home, and contemplates leaving the game; and at Tribal Council, Rocky is contractually obliged to wear a Hannibal Lecter-style muzzle to prevent him bitching, at length, about, well, everything.