Episode Five: Brains And Brawn And On And On

Grab your favourite leotard and jump in the ring! It's Fight Night in Fiji, as underdogs Ravu go toe to toe with reigning champs Moto in a battle to the death (or to the mud, at least). If schmaltzy made-for-TV movies have taught us anything, it's that desperate, last-ditch, nothing-left-to-lose ventures are almost guaranteed to succeed. A blood-spattered Ravu would lurch off the canvas and claw their way back from the brink of another defeat; we would leap from the edges of our couches and, in slow motion, punch the air; an incredulous Moto would walk away with their heads spinning, their lesson thoroughly learned.

Right? That's how this kind of thing goes, isn't it? Well, not quite...

Last week, it seemed as if the tables might be turning for Ravu: Moto lost two of its members in a short space of time; for once they didn't have to go to Tribal Council; and Rocky wore a brassiere. Granted, they still hadn't managed a win at a challenge, and stocks of food, and energy, were still low, but the psychological effects of last week's Immunity Challenge twist should've left them with a glimmer of light at the back of the cave.

And maybe it did. Yau Man and Earl showed some initiative in concocting a plan to uncover the hidden Immunity Idol, but the lack of proper tools for digging meant it was all in vain. A 'fed, fat and happy' Moto turned up for the Reward Challenge, and demolished Ravu in a one-on-one Sumo-style brawl, but not before the Rocky/Dreamz showdown (more later), and Yau Man showed the rest of his tribe that he's more than just an encephalon perambulatoris.

Earl was exiled (again), and Moto took home far too many spoils (again). Later, at Ravu, Rita and Michelle discussed the finer points of lipgloss, as you do, while Rocky and Anthony, their animosity forgotten for now, united in bitching about the girls' 'absolutely stupid' conversations. All was not roses and kittens at Moto either: an increasingly ostracised Dreamz began to wake up and smell the coffee, as Stacy's and Lisi's barely-concealed contempt for him made itself known. The Moto-5 seem to be on shaky ground, and Alex (and to a lesser extent Edgardo) are struggling to keep everybody in line so that they can maintain their numbers advantage post-merge.

Ravu came as close as they ever have to winning the Immunity Challenge, a giant game of Pairs, but food-starved brains are prone to confusion, and they lost it all at the last moment. Rocky put himself on the line by taking the blame for the loss, but Rita's inane babble and piss-poor presence at the Reward Challenge left her with the majority of the votes at Tribal Council. Ravu dwindle to six members; Moto has the combined body-weight of about sixteen.

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The Time Is Yau: Fans of Mr. Man were indulged this episode with several Yaucentric moments. The plan to uncover the Idol was well conceived and fairly well implemented (bar the ineffective machete, and Yau Man's jitters), though it's unclear what Earl and Yau will do when/if they're successful. It's not a particularly divisible piece of loot; will they allocate it to whoever they deem is most in need, or will they 'do a Yul' and bring it out in the open at some point later in the game?

As previously mentioned, Yau also went on to kick booty at the Reward Challenge, the only member of Ravu to make any dent in Moto's armour. And let's not diminish this achievement just because he was grappling with a gal: Stacy is a tough cookie, well fed and rested; Yau Man is tiny, starved and exhausted, but he still outplayed her. As someone shouted when Stacy landed in the mud: Attaboy, Yau!

Dirty Fighting: Staying in the muddy arena for a moment, the Rocky Vs. Dreamz face-off wasn't really the show-stopper we had hoped it would be. Balboa was brought down with little fuss, and Dreamz's strutting rodomontade, though uncalled for, was fun to watch. Ravu have been in a state of defeat for so long now that sympathy is almost redundant, like feeling sorry for a fish because it doesn't have legs.

Anthony showed a lot more ability and pluck this week, taking on Edgardo and doing pretty well, except for the whole not winning thing. It seems last week's teary-eyed vow to stick around may have been more than just talk.

Rita put up about as much resistance as a newborn tea bag in a tornado. Or something. How does that saying go again?

Double Buff: Alex did some quick math and realised that, even if The Five Mototeers make it to the merge intact, they'll probably still need the support of Dreamz and/or Cassandra to retain a voting majority. This after the odd couple had been treated like pariahs by the majority of the tribe post Reward Challenge. Boo and Lisi were more indifferent than anything else to Dreamz's ignorance of the intricacies of coffee-making, but Stacy was openly contemptuous and condescending (i.e. a bitch). Alex, out of an innate sense of decency as opposed to any strategic imperatives at this point, tried his best to minimize the discomfiture, but Dreamz's Motoboat had already sailed: he couldn't have been more blatant; his allegiance will be with what remains of Ravu, as soon as they merge.

Alex then had to cajole his alliance members into seeing the merit of keeping Dreamz and Cassandra on their side: Edgardo got it right away; Lisi had to be convinced that a 5-5 split in votes would be a problem, actually; Boo seemed to comprehend- eventually- but so does my dog when I say 'walking'...

Now there appears to be a 'solid solidarity' at Moto- a concerted resolve to 'take Ravu out'- but underneath it all writhe the pallid tentacles of treachery. Stacy said, "As long as we're seven-tight we're cool", and Dreamz couldn't help smiling at that.

Bland of Brothers: This episode, Rocky repaired a lot of the damage caused by his whilom rants, freak-outs and crying games. Sure, he's a hot-head, but he seems to be the only Ravuite (Ravuian?) with what could be called passion for the game: Mookie is strong, but gives nothing away; Earl is nice, but timid and hesitant; Rita was about as charismatic as a radish. It's probably the fatigue, but it seems that without Rocky, Ravu would dissolve and drift away like fog, or just merge into the cave wall. Jeff asked at Tribal Council why Rocky was 'trying to take the fall' for their failure at the Immunity Challenge, and Rocky gave the most heartfelt and direct response we've heard in a long time: "We were so close...And I took that away from myself, and I took that away from my tribe, and I felt bad."

He's also genuinely funny, especially when he gets flustered and indignant about fairly inconsequential things, like chitchat at the beauty salon. Who didn't want to smack Rita and Michelle with a fried pineapple halfway through that 'conversation', eh? Though I hear it's great for your pores, the fried pineapple...

Addendum: Ravu's members have finally realised they are independent entities, and have started voting accordingly. Mookie no longer has the power/burden of sheperding the votes as he wills. It's a responsibility he seems glad to have given up. Incidentally, Earl's writing has gotten bigger; has he been reading this blog (and time-travelling)?

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Quote of the Week: "I'm one of those people that look high-maintenance, but I'm so low-maintenance." Oh Rita, how the flighty have fallen.

Credo of the Week: Pearls of wisdom from the Yauboy: "Love many; trust few; do wrong to none." That's a design for life right there.

Predictions for Next Week: Not so much predictions as conjecture: The tribes don't merge, but the members are shuffled around, and a different tribe gets to live in the lap of luxury for a while; Dreamz and Rocky end up on the same tribe, with a few of the stronger players, because Rocky describes them as a 'superpower'; and Alex's premonition of 'almost instant karma' is realised as Stacy and Lisi end up on Ravu's beach, and tear each other apart.