Fiji 14.8: En Gardo!

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Episode Eight: Don't Feel Like Dancing, Dancing

Like the slightly balding DJ at your second cousin's wedding (you know, the cousin you don't really like, but your respective mothers were best friends all through school or something, so you kind of feel obliged) I urge you all to get on the dance floor (i.e. this blog) while I spin this hip new record (discuss this week's episode of Survivor) and spout inane platitudes and well-worn clichés (that part's not entirely metaphorical, actually). But you sit torpid at your trestle tables, picking at the remains of the wedding cake and bemoaning the lack of a live band. The youngsters will be dancing soon, once their supply of lurid, and no doubt poisonous beverages dwindles. We better get out there, and show 'em how it's done!

Come on! I want to see you all on the floor for this next one!

* * *

Last week, Moto's hidden Immunity Idol was uncovered; this week it was Ravu's turn to do a little digging. The comatose Lisi and Dreamz were kept out of the loop as Alex, Edgardo and Mookie got to work. They soon had the wee turtle in their collective back pockets, and a gloriously oblivious Lisi led her conniving squad into the Reward Challenge, where the recently tutored (and painted and decorated) tribes would compete in a Fijian dance-off. Earl seemed to go native for a while, leading Moto to another victory, and the ensuing feast/hoedown at the local village. Lisi endured another night on Earl- pardon me- Exile Island, her lately regained composure washing away in the storm like yesterday's sand castles.

At Moto, Earl and Michelle decided that Stacy should be given her marching orders as soon as possible; her ties to Alex and the other ex-Motoans would be dangerous as the inevitable merge approaches, and the fact that such a move might scare Boo into line would be an added bonus. Tree-mail arrived in the form of an arrow, which the archery amateur Edgardo took as a sign that it was his time to shine. Unfortunately, nobody had informed Yau Man to dim his lights; backed by Boo, Yau secured another Moto triumph, as tribemate Earl sat by, awaiting the turn he was never required to take.

A disillusioned Lisi informed Alex- and thence the rest of Ravu- that she had had enough of the game, and wanted to be the next one to go. Dreamz was more than willing to oblige, and even a last minute change of mind on Lisi's part didn't persuade her buds Alex and Edgardo to change their's again. A unanimous 4-1 vote saw Lady Ambivalence head for the hills, or at least wherever it is the jury members hang out between Tribal Councils. Ravu are down to four; will the merge come in time to save another of its members an ignominious ejection from the all-night Survivor disco?

* * *

While You Were Really, Really Sleeping: This week's moment of delicious dramatic irony presented itself in the first act, so to speak. The line couldn't have been better scripted had ol' Bill himself been reanimated for the purpose. Lisi, having had the Idol stolen literally from under her toes, then persuaded herself that she had caught Mookie in the act before any damage was done, and had the misguided temerity to proclaim: "Dude, you're gonna have to wake up really, really early to fool an old cat like me." Lisi dear, you may want to reset your alarm clock.

Caught as he was with his thumb in the pie, Mookie played along very nicely, even going so far as to help her when Lisi decided to have her own little root around for the Idol. Incidentally, they appeared to be using the flame-thrower poles from last week's Reward Challenge; it's strange that they were allowed to retain such useful implements. Mookie seems to be playing everybody at this stage, since he firmly believes that the Idol is in one pocket, his own. With three people sharing it, it's almost certain that some backs are going to be perforated before it gets played. Already, Dreamz has been excluded from his supposed alliance with Alex, Edgardo and Mookie, although if you feel secure enough to sleep through all those shenanigans, on day 20, perhaps that's what you deserve.

...And That's The Way It Is: Before the Reward Challenge, Lisi commented that she doesn't take the Challenges seriously: "I don't think we should be out there brooding about 'we gotta win, we gotta eat that food'." It was ostensibly included as a pointer to the reason for Ravu's forthcoming loss, accompanied as it was with shots of Lisi mucking up at practice, and getting shouted at by the Fijian dance instructor. But perhaps she's right; perhaps if the rest of Ravu were able to adopt the same attitude, they would be more likely to succeed. This phenomenon- Ravu being too wound up to perform at challenges- was discussed last week, so it probably doesn't bear repeating, but it does seem that, with every loss, Ravu become more desperate for a win, and hence- ironically- less likely to attain one.

That said, Earl wasn't taking things very lightly when he led Moto onto the dance floor. He took to the gyrations like a funky duck to water, nailing the moves and even pulling off the grass skirt with aplomb. Come challenge time, he had a look of focussed determination that was almost unsettling in its ferocity. Fortunately we had the spectacle of Boo getting to know his inner ballerina to lighten the mood; caked in face-paint and bounding about like a modern-day Quasimodo being attacked by an office plant.

Even their resident cheerleading coach couldn't secure Ravu a win; they were a little uncoordinated, and leaderless, spending most of the time in a boyband-esque line of five across the dance area. Props must be given to Dreamz though, for his standing back-flip thingy at the end of Ravu's set. I think the judges were impressed too, but not enough, evidently; they probably still had Earl's adamantine glare seared across their retinae.

A Dark And Stormy Night: Barbed tongues of lightning brand the night sky like writhing, incandescent tapeworm. The rain seems to have accelerated beyond the point that common gravity- and decency- should allow, the drops coalesced into a single implacable sheet, as though the seas themselves have come to reclaim the land. Waves crash and leaves rattle, adding to Mother Nature's cacophonous roar. There have been storms here before, wild nights without end, that threatened to tear the soil from its bedrock like a week-old scab. There has never been anything like this.

A lone figure stands atop a wooden tower, gripping the rail so tightly in her hands that the knuckles protrude, like the teeth on a cadaver's skull. Her copper hair whiplashes around her head in the turbulent air, as though her thoughts are attempting to flee their corporeal prison in the face of this awesome tempest. Her cheeks are flushed, and soaking wet; whether with rain or with tears it is impossible to tell. She leans out across the rail, her body taut, poised dangerously on the brink; below her, the jungle is dark and loud, the machinations of some vast, incomprehensible beast. The pulsing firmament above is reflected in the depths of her wide eyes as she inhales the night air, takes the obsidian ether deep into her lungs. She releases it as a scream, a cry, a primeval roar that pierces even this most barbarous of nights.

At first, the exclamation is too intense to fathom; the mind is not built to comprehend artefacts of such raw emotion. But we hear it return as an echo, even as the storm, having been bested, suddenly begins to subside. The words are terrifying in their simplicity; beautiful in their profundity.

They are thus: "This sucks! Hahaha!"

Man On Fire: Earl and his little spy Michelle are the first to wake at Moto; they usually have a little debriefing session- recon reports, minor strategy adjustments, that kind of thing- in the morning while 'everybody else (is)
just laying there', presumably still asleep. This was explained to us by Earl, while Yau Man was in shot, starting the fire. Is Yau Man invisible now? Does nobody notice how valuable he is? He almost single-handedly won the Immunity Challenge for Moto; perhaps Earl should be a tad worried that 'his' tribe performed so well that he was surplus to requirements. Not that anyone on Moto, with the possible exception of Stacy, would have the inclination, or nous, to start an anti-Earl campaign at this point in the game; it must be pretty cramped in Earl's pocket at the moment. Metaphorically.

Speaking of cramped conditions, how perceptive of Michelle to notice that the (again, metaphorical) beach towel's not big enough for both her and Stacy. The two of them are remarkably similar, and even Survivor aficionados have expressed sporadic confusion over which gal's which. Michelle seems to have the upper hand right now, with Earl's artillery at her disposal, but will Moto need to 'pull an Aitu' and purposely lose a challenge before they can vote a member off?

Yau Man will probably continue to go unnoticed for now, which is a good thing really: the longer you stay off that radar, the better your chances of making the Final Four. Come the merge, the individual Immunity Challenges should be very interesting; can Yau's unorthodox, logical approach to even physical tasks compete with the brawn that's coming from Ravu? And don't forget Boo's pretty impressive track record at challenges thus far...besides the dancing, obviously. And the blindness last week...Wait, what was my point again?

Coming And/Or Going: Jeff's comment at the end of Tribal Council- that 'you have to want to win' to stay in the game- may be trite, but that doesn't make it any less true. Lisi thought she had the luxury of deciding whether she could stay in the game or not, based on some idealised version of the friendship she had built with Alex and Edgardo. Doubtless they both genuinely like(d) Lisi, but Alex's remark that he was 'pissed off' at losing her 'solid vote' in the future, revealed a lot about his priorities in the game. Lisi defended her decision to leave by saying, "I've run the gamut in this game: I've been rich; I've been poor; I've been in exile. What more have I got to do?" Alex was 'not going to judge Lisi', but the unspoken retort from him seemed to be "Well, win, maybe? D'uh."

This would have all been well and good had Lisi not defended her decision in another, less commendable way, i.e., the 'my tribe are a bunch of losers!' rant. Ravu have a fairly abysmal track record, but Lisi spoke as if she had never been a part of the tribe; standing in the crow's nest, pointing out the holes in your 'sinking ship' is fine, but why don't you shut up for a moment and help with the bailing? Bad Ace Ventura impressions, and recycled lines from Friends aren't going to help matters.

Alex and Edgardo were visibly perplexed and annoyed when, ten minutes before Tribal Council, Lisi decided that maybe she kinda wanted to stay after all. At this stage they had probably had enough of her capricious behaviour, and her comments at Tribal only hammered the coffin's nails home. Though it may be truthful, the fact that your will is 'wavering from minute to minute' and that 'there are times when you're just not up to it', are not things you reveal at Tribal Council, of all places. Lisi's final plea to her tribe- "Just gimme a chance...just let me see what happens."- was slightly ludicrous, really. You may have your cake, crazy lady, but you can't eat it here.

(One last Lisi-related nugget: At one point, before the Reward Challenge, Dreamz announced that "We are mighty Fijian warriors!", a nice attempt at boosting morale, and getting people psyched for the challenge. Lisi's response? A loud clucking sound, akin to a large chicken or turkey. Truly bizzare.)

Dreamz Can Come Through: Dreamz may not be the most skilled of social meneuverers, and he has a tendency to get slightly cocky from time to time, but all is overlooked for now, on account of his performance at Tribal Council. He was surprisingly succinct, and accurate, in his appraisal of Lisi, and when the "Jeff, I'm ready to vote!" comment popped out, even he had to stifle a smile. Lisi's attempt to turn Dreamz's critique of her- "She gives up easily"- back on him was misguided and plain inaccurate. Dreamz said, "You never see me give up...I can't give up. It's not in me; it can't be in me." And that actually seems to ring true.

He also told us that if he dies, we should 'recipitate' him at the finish line. Which doesn't actually mean anything, but we can overlook that, too. Sheesh, what do you want, a bloody shek-willa-kway?

Dury Juty: The way Rocky bounded up those steps, on his way to the Jury bench, was so evocative, so familiar. I wish I could put my finger on it. (Go on, watch it, you know you want to.)

* * *

Quote of the Week: Appropriately enough, this week's quote comes from Mr. Dreamz himself, with some of his sassy street argot: "I think she wants to go home, and they call me a genie in a bottle, 'cause I grant wishes."

Magic!

(Though Lisi had a nice little zinger for Dreamz when she said, "You're a grown man, consider a name change!"

Meow!)

Les Predictions: Last week's predictions proved almost supernaturally incorrect, so I'm going to play it safe this week and prophesy a merge of some kind, or possibly a commercial airliner dumping its passengers on the beach, to be hunted down by camera-shy monsters and ever-widening plot holes. (Zing!)

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Fiji 14.7: Lisi In The Sky With Idol

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Episode Seven: Everything's Just Hunky Deoraí

This week's blow-by-blow account has arrived, laid out before you with all the trimmings, condiments, side dishes, sauces, spices, obscure utensils- and an over-abundance of wine glasses- the famished Survivor fan needs to dissect and devour this most recent episode. Elbows off the table, please, and remember to use your napkin; we do have some standards around here. And don't forget to chew each morsel properly before you swallow; there's only so much Alka-Seltzer to go round.

Now try the grey stuff, it's delicious!

* * *

As usual, our first port of call this week was Camp Ravu; it was also Lisi's, fresh off the boat from Exile Island. She seemed to receive a warm welcome from the boys, despite the bad blood still coursing through the arteries of her relationship with Dreamz. Next we popped along to Moto, where Yau Man and Earl reenacted their Idol-finding ruse from two weeks ago. This time though it bore fruit, due in no small part to Yau Man's digging and acting skills. Then it was to the fire-flinging Reward Challenge where, as predicted, Ravu came out on top. Earl was dispatched to Exile Island, and the victors went to gorge themselves at a remote(?) Fijian Arcade, complete with a bowling alley, a simulated driving range, a pool table and a commode.

Back at Moto, Boo realised that his tribe need to 'step up their game' or they would soon lose another member, and Yau Man continued to shine by fabricating a fake Immunity Idol and burying it under his tribe's collective nose. At the Immunity Challenge, the blindfolded tribes raced to gather and assemble puzzle tiles, and a cheerily stick-slapped Moto bounded to victory, sending Ravu to yet another Tribal Council. Alex and Edgardo realised that, as the merge approaches, they'll need strength more than loyalty, and so they brought Lisi into the loop. She was quick to divulge her hazy memories of the clues to the hidden Immunity Idol, and at Tribal Council the consistently obnoxious Rocky was sent packing. It seems we may be about to witness a late comeback from a more cohesive Ravu, and Rocky, as the first member of the Jury, will have a ringside seat. Ding ding

* * *

There's Something About Lisi: From day one, or at least episode one, this gal seemed one tremulous step away from some curiously long-sleeved threads and/or a padded cell. Last week's bouts of non compos mentis only strengthened these impressions; had she continued to defragment this week, it would've been safe to assume that Lisi's head would be on the chopping block come Tribal Council.

But a much more lucid Lisi returned from Exile, and quickly found a place for herself in her new tribe. Maybe it's down to the dynamic of her new tribe- "...being around a bunch of guys is my favourite place to be, straight up"- or the caricaturising nature of the limited time we spent with the old Moto crew, but this new and improved Lisi seems to be on the right side of strange (i.e. enough to be entertaining, but not enough to make you sleep with a machete gripped firmly in your sweaty palms), and she adds an interesting flavour to the testosterone-fuelled machinations at Ravu. She didn't leave her irritating laugh on Exile, unfortunately, but if that's the price to pay for less bad-crazies, we'll just have to pony up.

Ironically, Anthony (a guy) was voted out for being too effeminate, while Lisi (a girl) won over Ravu for being the exact opposite. As the old adage goes: it ain't what you screw, it's the way that you screw it.

The Time Is Yau: Speaking of rain on your wedding day, we watched Yau Man go from strength to strength, while Boo rested on his ample laurels and resigned himself to deposing Yau at some imaginary future Tribal Council. Poor Boo still hasn't realised that Moto's tables have been thoroughly turned by the arrival of Earl & Co. at camp.

The flawless execution of the two-point plan to retrieve the hidden Immunity Idol would have been subterfuge enough for one day, but Yau then took it a whole order of magnitude beyond by creating a fake idol and burying it back in the official idol's hole, literally behind the rest of the tribe's back. The sheer craftiness of this move is almost unprecedented in Survivor lore, though painting the initials I.I. on it may have been a step too obvious. We'll just have to wait and see if anybody takes the bait, though the rather complacent old Moto will need a sharp prod- perhaps in the form of a monumental defeat in one of next week's challenges- and of course some time on Exile Island before they'll have any impetus to start looking.

Let's marvel at Yau a bit more. The diminutive dynamo never seems to take a break: chopping coconuts; making tea; finding idols; manufacturing evil frauds; and usually out-performing his seemingly more athletic colleagues at the challenges. It may have been down to clever editing, but a lampooning Mookie was made to look the fool when Yau Man effortlessly supplied Moto's first, and only, point. Granted, Ravu proceeded to destroy their opponents in the ensuing rounds, but it was a prime example of the lack of regard people have for Yau Man's abilities. "The old guy's good for something" seems to be the understatement of the week. We could have done without the extended make-out session with the Immunity Idol though. Poor little turtle.

How It's, Er, Done: Finally a win for Ravu, and a well-deserved and appropriate reward for the guys (and Lisi). Excellent performances from Mookie and Dreamz sealed the deal, while Rocky was abysmal, and tried to cover up the fact by screaming and hopping about, as if the gods themselves had conspired to make him fail. Dreamz has proved again and again that he excels at physical challenges, and Mookie's no slouch either; should they make the merge, these guys will give each other a good run for the money; and with Alex, Edgardo, Earl and Boo in the mix, things are gonna get physical, physical.

Bosses And T-shirts: Further sport was pursued at Kava Bowl (clever little pun, incidentally), Fiji's premier indoor-sports destination. How such a seemingly remote facility remains solvent is a topic outside the remit of this blog, and its presence in the show does little to bolster the notion that these people are actually isolated. These peculiarities didn't bother our emaciated Survivors though, as they heartily tucked in to a feast of hot dogs, brownies and beer, and just as heartily ducked out to the loo to admire it all a second time. Lisi made friends while Rocky alienated himself further with his unnecessary ribbing; the fact that he still hasn't been told flat out to S the F U is a puzzler, but I guess a 4-2 vote against you at Tribal is a subtle variation of same.

Edgardo was the second (third?) person to blame Rocky and his 'bad vibe' for Ravu's poor performance, and this was only after a handful of days in his company. That's pretty damning circumstantial evidence. The only person who seemed sorry to see the Rockster go was Dreamz, which was odd, given their history. Dreamz said he 'understands' Rocky; that although he throws a lot of 'false attitude', it's 'not real attutude- it's just his personality'. Who knew Dreamz was capable of such insight into another human being's psyche? Pukey Mookie refrained from writing Rocky's name down at Tribal; a smart move, given that it wasn't a swing vote, and the possibility that Rocky would be on the Jury. I certainly don't think Mookie's actions were motivated by anything as abstract as loyalty, anyway.

The following quote from Edgardo is an apt summation of the Rocky situation: "(He) criticizes everbody, is too harsh on people. People don't respect that. People don't want a guy to be criticizing you all the time, that's why they have, like, bosses and t-shirts back at home." (OK, he probably said 'bosses and teachers', but it sounded like 't-shirts'; gimme a break).

No W in Team: This week's Immunity Challenge really highlighted a fundamental difference between tribes Moto and Ravu; something that might explain their different rates of success, assuming you don't subscribe to the Rocky Curse Hypothesis. At Moto, we had Michelle atop the calling podium, bouncing around like a cheerleader, singing, dancing and eventually bouncing right off the damn thing and on to the ground (second in hilarity only to Boo's plunge from the hammock in episode two). Alex, for Ravu, yelled and pointed (to people wearing blindfolds; go figure) like a drill sergeant- 'FORWARD HALF A STEP! SMASH!'- but without notable results. The point being, Moto seemed to enjoy themselves, and walked away victorious, while Ravu, though earnest and fierce, were too tightly wound to perform at full capacity.

Obviously, the relative opulence of Camp Moto is no handicap, and with a flawless Immunity Challenge record it's easier for Moto to be confident and sanguine going into these things. Ravu have never won an Immunity Challenge, a fact that must be dispiriting to say the least; a psychological vicious circle, if you will. It's yet another artefact of the rich/poor dynamic, I suppose, though with three out of each tribe's six members only very recently relocated, would the affects have had time to kick in? Maybe I'm woolgathering; maybe Rocky was the problem all along...

Speaking of problems, note how Michelle just sort of ambled up to the puzzle table and nonchalantly solved Moto's. It was another reminder of just how well Moto operate as a team; Stacy stepping back when she felt unsure, and calling on Michelle to have a go. We have yet to see that level of selfless cooperation at Ravu.

The Blond Leading The Blind: A special mention for Boo's performance at this Challenge. The poor guy's uncoordinated enough as it is, but slap a blindfold on him and he's about as dexterous as a paraplegic starfish. Leaping about like a springbok, trying to smash the skull; his backwards-walking, fence-tapping technique to return to base; his unfortunate muddling of left and right: it was all comedy gold. The best part, though, was when he stepped up to the podium to take charge of directing Yau to the last bundle of tiles- and was struck blind. He stood there for a moment blinking like an owl, rubbing his eyes, and hollering "I'm blind right now! Hold on!' Classic Boo.

Giving Oileán Away: Alex was astute enough to bring Lisi in to his confidence, and then calmly brought up the topic of the hidden Immunity Idol, as if Lisi hadn't just arrived from the Island on which the clues are kept. Unfortunately for him, Lisi was still in breakdown mode when she read the clues, so her recollection of them was nebulous at best (and we're talking some fairly candid clues this season, to say the least). Lisi was 'lead to believe' the idol 'might be right here' (emphasis mine) on Ravu's island. Or perhaps she was being purposely vague, in an attempt to mislead Alex and give herself a little time to find it. Either way, a bit more discretion on Lisi's part wouldn't have gone awry: it appears that next week Lisi is betrayed, and Mookie is brought in on the secret.

* * *

Quote of the Week: We couldn't end this week's powwow without a little something from the recently dethroned Rocky. It also contains a peculiar endearment from Edgardo:

Location: Exterior, Camp Ravu. Our protagonists engage in conversation as they sit side by side on a log.
Edgardo: So what do you think...bitch?
Rocky: I think you shoud [expletive removed] push over, unless you wanna [expletive removed] make out with me, bro!

Such a refined young man.

Predictions for Next Week: Ravu finally win at the Immunity Challenge; Alex receives some upsetting news from home, and contemplates leaving the game; and at Tribal Council, Rocky is contractually obliged to wear a Hannibal Lecter-style muzzle to prevent him bitching, at length, about, well, everything.

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Fiji 14.6: Earl Grey

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Quiz Number 3

Dear reader,
Welcome to the next instalment of the Emerald Isle Quiz, that part of the blog where I test your Survivor knowledge and powers of observation. In undertaking this challenge/quiz, you acknowledge the risks of the task and do not hold the Emerald Isle Blog or any person, place or property thereof, responsible for the loss, damage or death of your person while partaking in this adventure. Section 52 b, paragraph 4, sub-section 3iii of The Case of Survivor TM Australia Against Michael Ooh I Fell In The Fire Burns Victim Act 2004.

There are 16 questions for you to answer today. Once your answers have been cast, the decision will be final and the winner will be asked to collect their prize immediately.*

I'm now going to start my clock.
Bloggers ready?

Go!

Q.1. Which Survivor has the following occupation?
a. advertising executive
b. coach
c. barman
d. college administration
e. computer engineer
f. lawyer
g. student

Q. 2. Which fallen Survivor used to work as?
a. witness locator
b. non profit fundraiser
c. school bus driver
d. fashion stylist
e. architect
f. single parent

Q. 3. What is their real name?
a. Rocky
b. Dreamz
c. Papa Smurf

Q. 4. Name all nine original members of Ravu?

Q. 5. Name all nine members of Moto?

Q. 6. Which Survivor on day 2, did not belong in Ravu or Moto? (Tribeless)

Q 7. What 3 numbers appear on the opening credits?

Q 8. Which 3 members of Ravu are now on Moto?

Q 9. Name the 3 original remaining members of Moto in New Moto?

Q 10. Which Survivor was not chosen for either tribe?

Q 11. What tribe will "he/ she" join on this Saturdays episode?

Q 12. Which two remaining Survivors are the only Survivors to have been to Exile Island.

Q 13. How many fish did Mookie and Dreamz catch?

Q 14. What is Mookie’s occupation?

Q 15. At tribal council who sat immediately to the left of Alex?

Q 16. Which Survivor sat behind Edgardo?

Those are the 16 questions. Answer them as quickly as possible.

***

*prize may or may not exist, we're not sure yet.

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Episode Six: Switch and Bait

It didn't take a Survivor buff- if you'll pardon the pun- to realise that this week's episode would deviate slightly from the usual format. After an unusually comprehensive pre-credits recap, and the almost immediate arrival of tree-mail to camp (not to mention last week's brief little teasers), even a series proselyte- or 'n00b' as you kids like to say- could tell that some kind of shake-up was on the cards. Let it be noted that last week's predictions (down towards the bottom there) proved eerily prescient. Be not overly astonished, brave reader: further feats await thee in the ensuing paragraphs. Come! We have work to do!

Typical, isn't it? Just when we were all au fait with tribes Moto and Ravu, they had to go and shuffle 'em all up! Well, there's nothing for it: we shall have to delve right in and get reacquainted.

By the way, did anyone else not have subtitles for the majority of Saturday's show? What's up with that, TGCeathair?

We endured only a flyin', fly-infested visit to Camp Ravu before tree-mail arrived, and both tribes soon found themselves side-by-side, ready for their next Reward Challenge. Only it wasn't: it was Merge Time! Well, no, it wasn't that either, but buffs were dropped, and two new tribes assembled from the besoiled remains.

Edgardo and Earl initiated proceedings, each picking a member from the opposing tribe, who in turn had to pick a member from their opposing tribe, if you follow- and so on till there was only one left: Lisi. She was quickly deposed to Exile Island, having herself abandoned all rational thought, and the ability to stop talking now. Edgardo won the dubious honour of deciding which of the two new tribes would get to live at the fancy beach, but pulled the wrong colour buff, and doomed himself and his new tribemates to life at the crap camp, and perhaps even more dispiriting, to the cursed name 'Ravu' (the tribes having retained their original monikers).

Still, an all-male Ravu soon bonded back at camp over a much-needed (at least for the returning Rocky, Anthony and Mookie) feast, an inspiring quotation from Alex (another Dumas reference this week), and a spot of light-hearted misogyny. The 'burly men' went off hunter-gathering, while a freshly emasculated Anthony was volunteered to keep the home fires burning. Alterations were required at the new Moto too: a dethroned Boo worried for his future as Earl, finally, initiated his Plan, and found Cassandra quite open to the idea of turning on her old Moto comrades.

A stickler of an Immunity Challenge tested each tribe's communication skills, and a coordinated Moto were first across the line, due in no small part to Boo's level-headed instruction. Rocky was right: Ravu look good on paper; unfortunately for them, this was not a theory test.

Due to Anthony's inability to capitalise on the affects of an apparent psychotic relapse by Rocky, we said goodbye to the self-proclaimed 'black, male Cinderella' at Tribal Council. But not before another lively diatribe from Rocky, and a desperate, quivering rebuttal from Antho. Alas, it came too late to save himself, but will his departure mean redemption, finally, for Ravu? I'm afraid I lied earlier: I'm no tasseographer. You'll just have to tune in next week, like the rest of us.

* * *

The Switch: Obviously, both Edgardo and Earl had physical strength in mind when they started to build their new tribes, hence the choice of Mookie and Boo, respectively. By choosing Michelle, Boo put paid to this strategy for what would become the new Moto, but as it turned out, this may not have been such a bad thing, at least for now. Ravu consistently prioritised physical strength, but the presence of so many chiefs may hurt them later in the game. It certainly didn't do them any favours at the Immunity Challenge: their strength kept them close to Moto throughout, but the lack of any clear leader was really what did it for them. Next week, it seems, there's another challenge designed to build (or test) trust and communication skills; it looks like Ravu may have to wait some more for their first ever win.

The other thing that became apparent at the switch is that Lisi is a friggin' nutcase. Is there any filter there between thought and speech? To be fair, she may have been a little thrown at not being picked by either tribe; one can only assume she made a bad impression on what became the old Ravu during their first few days together as a single tribe. She now has to return to Ravu, from Exile Island, with an extremely tenuous (read: non-existent) alliance with Alex and Edgardo, no testicles, and a well-positioned nemesis in the form of Dreamz. Factor in her comments at the switch, to the effect that she wants to leave the game, and she surely won't be around for much longer. Lisi seemed not the least bit interested in the Immunity Idol clue, and it's doubtful she'll even bother looking for it, but she may inadvertently give away its location in one of her bouts of chuckling, spittle-flecked dérangement. Lot of wackos this season, no?

Incidentally, if you're still a little unclear as to who's on what tribe now, you can view- free of charge!- each of their rosters under the 'Tally' menu on the right hand sidebar.

There wasn't a whole lot else to remark upon at the switch itself. All the good stuff came afterwards...

Nu Ravu: I suppose the big issue this week was Anthony, and Rocky's lambasting thereof. To be honest, I was getting tired of both of 'em; hopefully Rocky will be the next to go, the lazy bugger. I felt sorry for Antho for about 3 (possibly 4) seconds, but seriously, if you can't turn a situation like that to your advantage you deserve to be voted out. Dreamz had gone a round with the Rockster already, so obviously there was bad blood there; Edgardo and Alex were definitely put off by his antics, all they needed was a push in the right direction; and Mookie, well, he's still a little hard to read, but now that he's (apparently) alligning with Alex and Dreamz, he probably would've turned too. Anthony just didn't have the charisma- the 'social skills'- to influence anybody: it's no wonder his torch was snuffed.

We're being treated to some very evocative interludes this season: in episode four we had the classic 'snake puking snake' vignette; this week we were treated to an extract from 'giant yellow spider versus gang of ants', backed by what sounded like vintage Kraftwerk. Allegory, no less.

Something that isn't at all clear is exactly why Rocky was so vexed by Anthony. Sure, he was weak at challenges, and a bit of a dweeb, but I've never seen anyone, at least on Survivor, have such a personal reaction to somebody else's personality. As Jeff said at Tribal, Rocky could have just kissed Anthony's ass, told him he's a good guy, and wrote his name down anyway. But Rocky went out of his way to 'tutor' Anthony, and pass on his virile 'life lessons', like a disappointed father forcing his mincing son onto the soccer pitch. Evidently Rocky thought he was doing Anthony a favour- "Take this experience and learn from it, bro." I wonder who will be the next one to find themselves beneath his barbed wing.

The Fates Will Know You As A Man: Alex will hopefully go a lot further in the game; he seems like a genuinely nice person, and is quickly becoming the leader Ravu needs. He also seems to be the only one with a strategy, proactively seeking out and forming strong alliances, while everyone else stands around waiting to see what happens. Plus, extra points for quoting 19th century French literature without looking like a twob.

Dreamz, too, seems to have finally found his niche in the new Ravu. If he stays quiet, does what Alex tells him, and keeps bringing in the fish with Mook- they semed to hit it off, while out on the rocks- he'll go far. I think the all-male Ravu suits Dreamz: he operates best in an implication- and subtletly-free environment. Speaking of matters masculine, was anyone else slightly disturbed by Rocky's ode to the fairer sex?: "...no offense, I love women- I love 'em- I love to touch 'em, make out, have conversations with 'em, get along well..." *Shudder* OK, I couldn't tell if he said 'touch' or 'talk to', but the former is far more disquieting.

Moto In Toto: The new Moto may not have the muscle, but they seem a more rational, mentally-balanced tribe, and are working well together despite the emerging divisions and alliances. The Rise of Earl was surprising in its rapidity; I assumed he'd ruminate a bit more before putting The Plan into action. But he went straight to work, smooth talker that he is; Cassandra went to putty in minutes, as Yau Man looked on in awe. With three out of a possible five Motoans in his pocket, Earl seems set to stroll with ease into Final Tribal Council. But this is Survivor dawg, the show that throws more curveballs than some baseball player famous for throwing lots of curveballs (sorry, baseball's not really my forte). Also, 'ridonculous' is so not a word...

I'd be reluctant to see Boo go any time soon, assuming Earl's plans bear fruit. He's fairly innocuous, performs very well at challenges, and injects some much-needed humour (intentional or not) into the everyday goings-on at camp. At the least, he deserves another few days for coining the phrase 'Motolicious, baby!'.

Just to fulfill the Moto quota, I will say that Stacy needs to be watched (she's gonna pull something before she leaves), and that Michelle is, um...in Moto too. Wait, no, it was Michelle that kept getting in Ravu's way during the Immunity Challenge, wasn't it? It was hard to tell if it was an effective tactic, really; wouldn't she have been hindering her own tribe's progress as much as her opponents'?

* * *

Quote of the Week: In such a dialogue-heavy episode, one quote o' the week just wouldn't suffice. Here are a few choice quips and wisecracks:

Jeff, dispatching Lisi after the switch: "Maybe Exile will straighten out your head, (and you'll) come back wanting to play." Chuckles all round from this one; you so droll, Mr. Probst.

Earl's parting shot to Cassandra, as he and Yau got on with the fishing: "It'd be nice to have a little meat." Cassandra certainly wouldn't disagree with that sentiment, methinks.

And, to end, the exclamation du jour, heard as the Immunity Challenge reached its frantic denouement: "All twist! All twist for Boo!"

Peculiar Fact of the Week: Before Anthony ruined the trend, every Survivor voted off to date had a) been female, and b) a name ending with an A.

Predictions for Next Week: Lisi boils the rabbit of a Ravu man (that may or may not be a euphemism); Ravu finally win a challenge, though it's probably not the Immunity one; Yau Man comes up with an ingenious excuse when he gets caught three-and-a-half feet under in his hole (where'd he get the frickin' pickaxe, by the way?).

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Fiji 14.5: B.O.O. - C.E.O.

click it to view the comic at full size

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Episode Five: Brains And Brawn And On And On

Grab your favourite leotard and jump in the ring! It's Fight Night in Fiji, as underdogs Ravu go toe to toe with reigning champs Moto in a battle to the death (or to the mud, at least). If schmaltzy made-for-TV movies have taught us anything, it's that desperate, last-ditch, nothing-left-to-lose ventures are almost guaranteed to succeed. A blood-spattered Ravu would lurch off the canvas and claw their way back from the brink of another defeat; we would leap from the edges of our couches and, in slow motion, punch the air; an incredulous Moto would walk away with their heads spinning, their lesson thoroughly learned.

Right? That's how this kind of thing goes, isn't it? Well, not quite...

Last week, it seemed as if the tables might be turning for Ravu: Moto lost two of its members in a short space of time; for once they didn't have to go to Tribal Council; and Rocky wore a brassiere. Granted, they still hadn't managed a win at a challenge, and stocks of food, and energy, were still low, but the psychological effects of last week's Immunity Challenge twist should've left them with a glimmer of light at the back of the cave.

And maybe it did. Yau Man and Earl showed some initiative in concocting a plan to uncover the hidden Immunity Idol, but the lack of proper tools for digging meant it was all in vain. A 'fed, fat and happy' Moto turned up for the Reward Challenge, and demolished Ravu in a one-on-one Sumo-style brawl, but not before the Rocky/Dreamz showdown (more later), and Yau Man showed the rest of his tribe that he's more than just an encephalon perambulatoris.

Earl was exiled (again), and Moto took home far too many spoils (again). Later, at Ravu, Rita and Michelle discussed the finer points of lipgloss, as you do, while Rocky and Anthony, their animosity forgotten for now, united in bitching about the girls' 'absolutely stupid' conversations. All was not roses and kittens at Moto either: an increasingly ostracised Dreamz began to wake up and smell the coffee, as Stacy's and Lisi's barely-concealed contempt for him made itself known. The Moto-5 seem to be on shaky ground, and Alex (and to a lesser extent Edgardo) are struggling to keep everybody in line so that they can maintain their numbers advantage post-merge.

Ravu came as close as they ever have to winning the Immunity Challenge, a giant game of Pairs, but food-starved brains are prone to confusion, and they lost it all at the last moment. Rocky put himself on the line by taking the blame for the loss, but Rita's inane babble and piss-poor presence at the Reward Challenge left her with the majority of the votes at Tribal Council. Ravu dwindle to six members; Moto has the combined body-weight of about sixteen.

* * *

The Time Is Yau: Fans of Mr. Man were indulged this episode with several Yaucentric moments. The plan to uncover the Idol was well conceived and fairly well implemented (bar the ineffective machete, and Yau Man's jitters), though it's unclear what Earl and Yau will do when/if they're successful. It's not a particularly divisible piece of loot; will they allocate it to whoever they deem is most in need, or will they 'do a Yul' and bring it out in the open at some point later in the game?

As previously mentioned, Yau also went on to kick booty at the Reward Challenge, the only member of Ravu to make any dent in Moto's armour. And let's not diminish this achievement just because he was grappling with a gal: Stacy is a tough cookie, well fed and rested; Yau Man is tiny, starved and exhausted, but he still outplayed her. As someone shouted when Stacy landed in the mud: Attaboy, Yau!

Dirty Fighting: Staying in the muddy arena for a moment, the Rocky Vs. Dreamz face-off wasn't really the show-stopper we had hoped it would be. Balboa was brought down with little fuss, and Dreamz's strutting rodomontade, though uncalled for, was fun to watch. Ravu have been in a state of defeat for so long now that sympathy is almost redundant, like feeling sorry for a fish because it doesn't have legs.

Anthony showed a lot more ability and pluck this week, taking on Edgardo and doing pretty well, except for the whole not winning thing. It seems last week's teary-eyed vow to stick around may have been more than just talk.

Rita put up about as much resistance as a newborn tea bag in a tornado. Or something. How does that saying go again?

Double Buff: Alex did some quick math and realised that, even if The Five Mototeers make it to the merge intact, they'll probably still need the support of Dreamz and/or Cassandra to retain a voting majority. This after the odd couple had been treated like pariahs by the majority of the tribe post Reward Challenge. Boo and Lisi were more indifferent than anything else to Dreamz's ignorance of the intricacies of coffee-making, but Stacy was openly contemptuous and condescending (i.e. a bitch). Alex, out of an innate sense of decency as opposed to any strategic imperatives at this point, tried his best to minimize the discomfiture, but Dreamz's Motoboat had already sailed: he couldn't have been more blatant; his allegiance will be with what remains of Ravu, as soon as they merge.

Alex then had to cajole his alliance members into seeing the merit of keeping Dreamz and Cassandra on their side: Edgardo got it right away; Lisi had to be convinced that a 5-5 split in votes would be a problem, actually; Boo seemed to comprehend- eventually- but so does my dog when I say 'walking'...

Now there appears to be a 'solid solidarity' at Moto- a concerted resolve to 'take Ravu out'- but underneath it all writhe the pallid tentacles of treachery. Stacy said, "As long as we're seven-tight we're cool", and Dreamz couldn't help smiling at that.

Bland of Brothers: This episode, Rocky repaired a lot of the damage caused by his whilom rants, freak-outs and crying games. Sure, he's a hot-head, but he seems to be the only Ravuite (Ravuian?) with what could be called passion for the game: Mookie is strong, but gives nothing away; Earl is nice, but timid and hesitant; Rita was about as charismatic as a radish. It's probably the fatigue, but it seems that without Rocky, Ravu would dissolve and drift away like fog, or just merge into the cave wall. Jeff asked at Tribal Council why Rocky was 'trying to take the fall' for their failure at the Immunity Challenge, and Rocky gave the most heartfelt and direct response we've heard in a long time: "We were so close...And I took that away from myself, and I took that away from my tribe, and I felt bad."

He's also genuinely funny, especially when he gets flustered and indignant about fairly inconsequential things, like chitchat at the beauty salon. Who didn't want to smack Rita and Michelle with a fried pineapple halfway through that 'conversation', eh? Though I hear it's great for your pores, the fried pineapple...

Addendum: Ravu's members have finally realised they are independent entities, and have started voting accordingly. Mookie no longer has the power/burden of sheperding the votes as he wills. It's a responsibility he seems glad to have given up. Incidentally, Earl's writing has gotten bigger; has he been reading this blog (and time-travelling)?

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Quote of the Week: "I'm one of those people that look high-maintenance, but I'm so low-maintenance." Oh Rita, how the flighty have fallen.

Credo of the Week: Pearls of wisdom from the Yauboy: "Love many; trust few; do wrong to none." That's a design for life right there.

Predictions for Next Week: Not so much predictions as conjecture: The tribes don't merge, but the members are shuffled around, and a different tribe gets to live in the lap of luxury for a while; Dreamz and Rocky end up on the same tribe, with a few of the stronger players, because Rocky describes them as a 'superpower'; and Alex's premonition of 'almost instant karma' is realised as Stacy and Lisi end up on Ravu's beach, and tear each other apart.

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