Episode Four: Running The Ass Isle (Um)

Ravu have become a ragged gang of caged lions, their fur patchy and lank, eyes dull and despondent, pacing their enclosure in never-ending circles, pausing now and then to lick a paw, or to sniff at some indistinct patch of earth. Like a kid incessantly poking a stick through the bars of their cage, Moto's constant dominance at the challenges has them riled. But Ravu are impotent, and can only lash out at each other, while they wait for their next chance to lose.

If we extend the metaphor slightly, this series of Survivor had started to slip into some stereotypical behaviour of its own: Poor tribe loses, gets weaker; rich tribe wins, gets stronger...rinse, lather, repeat. Decks needed shuffling (or feathers ruffling) and by the end of this episode both tribes were holding very different cards (or coiffured pigeons; you choose). But first, a quick rundown of what went down this episode. (It shouldn't take long: I could almost copy/paste last week's recap, and alter the end-vote).


Ravu returned from another Tribal Council with none of the strained optimism of last week, but rather with some barely-restrained aggression towards Anthony on Rocky's part. After witnessing this extensive verbal bitch-slap, we paid a visit to Moto, where we learned of the 'almost unspoken' -and hitherto unscreened- Greater Moto Alliance, comprising Lisi, Stacy, Boo, Edgardo & Alex. Gary's health continued to deteriorate, but with him and Cassandra sitting out of a tricky physical reward challenge, Moto, after a shaky start, leap-frogged their way to victory, and sent Yau Man to Exile Island.

And a good thing they did: the little guy was fortunate enough to miss out on Rocky's spectacular post-challenge meltdown/freak-out, and his ensuing attack of nakedness. (That's one sea snake none of us need to see, Sly). The Yauboy had revelations of his own to deal with, i.e. the location of the Immunity Idol back at camp; a freshly-massaged Moto finally bid adieu to Gary (he was hogging all the fly bites anyway); and a cross-dressed, bemused and partly-horrified Ravu turned up all nipples blazing to the Immunity Challenge. Though they again failed to secure a victory, a well-timed deus ex canteena meant that it was Moto who got their first taste of Tribal Council, in exchange for the continued enjoyment of their luxurious camp. A 'shocked' Liliana was sent packing, but not before some very amusing and revealing banter with Jeff, around the Council Fire. Suddenly the tribes are tied: 7 members apiece.

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Lord Anthony and the Rocky Road: Poor little Antho really took a battering this episode, most of it deserved, I concede: he is a bit of a mope, and proved fairly useless at the challenges. Rocky's irrational and somewhat over the top diatribe did more damage to himself than Anthony though, and coupled with his later freak out, he is definitely boxing on thin ice right now. Anthony reacted in the best possible way, i.e. by not really reacting at all, and going for a private little cry in the woods later on. I don't think it was an intentional tactic, Anthony being the epitome of non-confrontation, but it certainly didn't seem to do him any harm: if anything it only consolidated Earl's aversion to Rocky's attitude, and heightened his regard for Anthony. And how ominous that Earl is 'still devising a plan'. He may want to speed it up a bit; they've clocked almost two weeks on the island at this stage.

What did the rest of the tribe make of all these histrionics? Who knows? They were all remarkably non-verbal in the face of Rocky's sputtering fury. I imagine they were all in shock and/or scared. And to think, Rocky was actually 'holding back'. Mookie, at one point, did say "We lost, it sucks, let's move on", but what Rocky really needed was a smack upside the head. We saw a distasteful and disturbing side to him this week; even his Some Like It Hot moment, while amusing, was tinged with an air of mania, and desperation to atone for his outbursts. Plus, his accent's getting more and more incomprehensible.

Blue Beard: Papa Smurf was stretchered off Moto's beach and out of the game, although we never received any confirmation as to what exactly was wrong with him. It may have had something to do with the, quite literally, thousands of fly bites he sustained; or maybe it was his ticker giving out; or a cracked rib; or some sort of combat stress reaction relapse from 'Nam; who knows? In any case, he left with a whimper rather than a grisly laceration or third-degree burns; quite a moderate exit, in Survivorland. I don't think he'll be very sorely missed: the biggest impact he made in the game was on the Slip 'n Slide course last week (budum tish).

I have to agree with Lisi's sentiments, though they seemed a bit harsh: one less person does mean better odds, and if he's holding back the tribe, or provoking a 'babysitting situation', he's better off gone. Still, a little tribute's in order:


Massage In A Bottle: It was obvious that, unchecked, Moto would continue to romp through the challenges, leaving Ravu to spiral down further and further, like a one-winged albatross, into misery and squalor. Wait, wasn't that the whole point of the rich/poor dynamic in the first place? Never mind. Things were becoming depressingly familiar, and so the 'message to be read after the challenge' device from last season made a reappearance. This time round it left the winners with a choice: keep immunity and give up your camp, or vice versa. It was a sacrifice tailored to impair the Moto tribe: had Ravu 'won', they really wouldn't have had much to lose (what's another vote, eh?). Moto chose to keep their comfort, and who could blame them? Hey Lisi, one more person less means even more room in the king-size bed! Sweet.

For a tribe that had never been to Tribal, Moto displayed a commendable degree of organisation and backstabbing acumen. Sure, Cassandra could have been sacrificed without much impact, but Lisi knew what Liliana was up to with her massage parlour tricks, and she'd be damned if she was going to stand by and watch her boys be dragged down- and her alliance ripped apart- by such a scarlet woman! I think Alex's reluctance to vote Liliana off had somethiing to do with the fact that he hadn't had one yet (a massage, I mean).


Shek-Willa-Whatever-She-Called-It: It was interesting that Dreamz ended up voting for Liliana too, after his 'not pointing fingers' finger-pointing soliloquy back at camp, where he labelled Lisi and Cassandra the 'disposable' ones. Was he clued in by the Gang of Five, or was it coincidence? And if it was coincidenece, what made him change his mind?

Dreamz's plea to 'not turn to snakes yet', his openness and idealism, were commendable, I suppose, but completely misplaced in a game like Survivor. The whole point is that you have to turn into snakes at some point (or at least that that's the most fun way to play the game), and the challenge is to do that without pissing off too many people. Bringing it all out into the open like he did can work (it has on a handful of occassions in previous series *citations needed*), but doing it off the bat, on the first time his tribe goes to Tribal Council, only drew attention to Dreamz's complete lack of understanding of how people, and the game of Survivor, work. Alex told him '...you can't ignore the inter-personal relationships that have been built', but as Dreamz himself pointed out, he doesn't have any of those in the tribe, and probably wouldn't recognise one if he did. Actually, Papa Smurf was the only one Dreamz had any connection with, and watching the apprehension on his face as Gary disintegrated and was taken away was kinda sad.

And next week he runs his mouth, and goes head to head with Priscilla, Queen of the Tank Top...The poor guy's a study in social ineptitude.

And we were subjected to that little interlude with the snake puking up the other snake, or possibly puking up its own body; the jury's still out on what was going on there. It was definitely disgusting though.

Exeunt: The amount of words you utter, from the moment your name is read for the last time, to the moment you leave the Tribal Council area, is inversely proportional to the esteem we hold you in for the rest of the show. I suppose if you're not going to make it to the jury, you might as well get in as many words as possible before we forget you. But speaking directly to Jeff before he quenches your torch? That is so not cool, Honey Bunny.

Trivia: Near the start of the episode Lisi and Stacy are bathing in the shallows, and Lisi sings in an indecipherable high-pitched tone. Scientific analysis has determined that she is in fact saying "The Five Musketeers!", a reference to the alliance of five Moto memebers, of which she and Stacy are a part, and an allusion to the novel The Three Musketeers by French novelist Alexandre Dumas.

Moto now have two sets of fishing gear, but we have yet to see any member of the tribe actually go fishing.

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Quote of the Week: Rocky's advice to Anthony, who was having trouble (or an erection) trying to get past Rita on the Beam Challenge: "Yeah, but don't look towards her, look parallel, bro". Um, what now?

Synchronised Nod of the Week: Mookie and Michelle, in response to Jeff's comment that, despite the loss of Gary, 'the game continues'. It was beautifully orchestrated, but kinda chilling...

Predictions for Next Week: Yau Man finds the Immunity Idol (that guy's got skillz); Alex has to go in the bold corner for pulling one of the girls' pigtails...stupid girls; Rocky fights dirty, but Dreamz has got the moves to counter him (did you see the way he dismounted from the Beam after the reward challenge?); and, when Ravu inevitably lose the Immunity Challenge, Anthony almost pulls of a coup against Rocky. Almost.